Here I sit in Gadsden, waiting to go to the show. Nothing like a room at the Red Roof Inn to make you feel like a rock star! I have the 3 Stooges on the TV, half a pack of smokes, and most of my clothes aren't too stinky yet.

Like any good band guy, I dump the entire contents of my suitcase on the floor as soon as walk into a motel room. I set up the computer, scratch my ass, and get down to business. Ok, so I don't get down to business. But it sounded good, so I wrote it. If you consider taking a nap as getting down to business, then I get down to business!

I often get asked how life is on the road, so I have decided to give you folks a checklist to go by whenever you are planning a trip. Please feel free to print this and tape it to your refrigerator.

• PEPTO BISMAL I don't give two shits whether it's tablets or liquid or Wal-Mart brand, but Don't leave home without it. Unless your idea of fun is shitting your pants full, I suggest buying the family size bottle. Better to be with it than without it. I know this from experience.............Don't ask.............
• TOILET PAPER Refer to number one.............
• MULTI-TOOL You never know when you are going to have to perform surgery on some damn motel air conditioner or shower. When you stay in top notch places like we do, you need a PhD in jury-rigging...........
• EAR PLUGS Many is the morning I have been awakened to the soothing sounds of a hammer being slammed into the railing outside my door.
• ASPIRIN After a rocking night filled with beers and shots, you need a little something to take the edge off of that hangover.
• HAND LOTION Hey, it ain't just for your hands......................
• TWEEZERS It's pretty hard to look like a ROCK GOD when you have hairs growing out of your ears.............and nose......and.........nevermind.............
• SUPER GLUE Let's say you play drums for a living. You beat the bejeezus outa your hands every night. I get cracks in mine, so I just super-glue the cracks. I hope that shit isn't poisonous.....
• CD's Take your own, especially when traveling with someone. The last thing you want to do is be stuck listening to Enya for 300 miles.................
• CAMERA Let's say your trip goes tits up? Let's say your buddy has to take a crap on the side of the road? You need documentation of these things.........

This list should provide a bit of insight for you aspiring road warriors. With the summer coming up, I know a lot of you will be heading to the beach (to see us!). Be safe on the road, don't speed in the small towns, and for God's sake, don't drive when you get all tanked up on shots and beers. If you die, then you can't come out to our shows and buy ME shots and beers. Nothing ruins a vacation quicker than having me pissed off at you for crashing your damn car.

Till we meet again, be safe, happy, horny, and only drink cold beer.......................your friend......................Chris